Art of Change with Nancy

Michelle (00:00)

Welcome. This is Decluttering 55 Plus with Michelle Passoff, and I’m Michelle Passoff. This is the place to come for news you can use to get things done in life without anything in the way on the road ahead. Once upon a time, we spoke of cleaning clutter. Everyone knew we were talking about the mess on our desk, the closets crammed with clothes, or the garage you could not park a car in because there are so many things that it couldn’t fit.

I call this conventional clutter. Now we’re in a new age of clutter and it goes beyond conventional clutter and includes areas of our lives that may stump us on the road ahead. I still call it clutter because not addressing it slows us down and better yet stops us in our tracks. What do I mean by this? You’re eating an exercise regimen may not be the same now as it was when you were younger, yet you don’t know how to adjust.

Maybe you are widowed or divorced and need to take a new look at love. Perhaps you yearn to tell your story to your kids and their kids, but you don’t know how. Finances matter, but you want to put it off another day or forever. Need or want to move, but you don’t know where. Are you asking yourself what is the best use of your time? Are these questions may not have obvious answers and can be cluttered if they become obstacles because you brush them aside

throw them under the carpet and instead of getting clear, making decisive choices and taking action, you do nothing. On this podcast, we aim to engage in conversations that empower you to leave a legacy, not a mess. So welcome. Our guest today is Nancy Levin, an accomplished author of many books, a life coach and founder of the Levin Life Coach Academy.

We are particularly interested to hear what Nancy has to say about change. In her book, The Art of Change, Nancy provides an eight week program that helps us make the shifts we need, want and desire in our lives. Since action is the only thing that makes a difference in the world of being free from clutter, let’s get some coaching from the coaches coach. Welcome, Nancy. Thank you. Let me ask you, is change inevitable and can change

Can you teach an old dog new tricks?

Nancy (02:57)

do think change is inevitable and I also think that indeed you can teach a new dog new tricks. I’ve seen it time and time again.

Michelle (03:06)

But don’t people go, no, no, I know the way it is. I like the way it is. I’m familiar with the way it is. Even if I don’t like it, I’m familiar with the way it is and I’ll keep it. How do you, how do you combat resistance?

Nancy (03:19)

Yeah, so ⁓ many of us stay in

situations of familiarity, whether they’re untenable or whether they’re delightful. And yet, under all of this, in every client and every student I’ve worked with and in myself, there’s always a whisper that is working its way toward a scream inside of us that is calling for us to do something different.

Michelle (03:57)

So change is going to come out and get you if you don’t listen.

Nancy (04:01)

Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, I, I often will say, you know, most of us wait for a crisis to make change, but we don’t have to wait for a crisis. And when we are our own catalyst of change, we are really able to be in the driver’s seat of moving forward toward what it is we most desire.

Michelle (04:28)

wouldn’t assume you are in the driver’s seat of your life. You think you have something to do with the way it turns out.

Nancy (04:37)

Personally, I do.

Michelle (04:40)

Well, the question then is how do you make that change? Where do you, where do you even start?

Nancy (04:47)

Yeah, so, you know, as you mentioned my book, The Art of Change, which is a guided journal and it’s an eight week process to making a meaningful shift in your life, we begin with what I’ve coined as my transformation equation, change equals vision plus choice plus action. This is how we’re going to make change. So the first part of the process is really getting clarity of vision.

how you want your life to be on the other side of the change. Whatever the change is, knowing what it is that you want, and then really being able to see yourself in it. Now this is not Pollyanna, this is not ⁓ just ⁓ believe it and you will see it, this is not the life.

This is no, and I will say this, you know, it’s not manifestation. It’s, it’s really, it’s really, this is a really pragmatic approach, which is how I am. I am very feet on the ground. And so once we know the change we want to make, and we have the vision, then we begin moving into the additional steps of the process that can bring the vision to fruition. So the second piece is calibration.

which I love that I’m talking to you about calibration because it is looking at clutter inside and out. So when we are calibrating and recalibrating to where we are in our life, it’s essential to look at what I call incompletions, which really are the clutter of our lives, whether it is external clutter,

you know, a messy office or, you know, a closet full of clothes that don’t fit anymore or a bunch of papers or internal clutter, unfinished business within grudges. ⁓

unforgiven acts, things that we’re holding inside of ourselves. So I really believe that our external world is a reflection of our internal world. So if we’re all mixed up inside, we’re going to be mixed up outside. And when I look at incompletions, when I work with clients around incompletions, what we’re really looking at is

What are the things that have been historically most important to you that may no longer be part of the plan that you’re holding onto because you still think you should. So let’s say I had a client who, yeah, I had a client who never finished her undergraduate degree. Very, very successful in her business, but never finished school, never finished college. And she had been

dragging this along as a point of shame. And in her 50s, really looked at what is this about? What am I making it mean that I didn’t finish college? She had had it in her plan of I will go back and get my degree, I’ll go back and get my degree. But what she realized is that that was draining her. She had no vitality for it.

She had no energy for it, but it was something she thought she should do. It’s something she thought she needed, that she was carrying for like 30 years.

Michelle (08:23)

years.

So you can either give up that you have to or go get a degree one or the other, right? Stay aggravated about it.

Nancy (08:28)

Exactly. And she,

exactly. So, so we, we got to the place where she was set, where she really was in right relationship with not only do I know I don’t need the degree, but I actually no longer even want to get it. I’m not, I’m not ruled by that should anymore. And so that is letting go of an incompletion that’s letting go of.

Michelle (08:53)

Clutter out the door. Exactly. It’s non-physical clutter.

Nancy (08:58)

Exactly, exactly. So we have to be willing to let go of those things too.

Michelle (09:03)

So do you make a list of all the things you’re incomplete about? Like if they’re not apparent, what if they’re not apparent to you? You don’t know, how do you discover what is sitting there like a big obstacle in your way and you don’t even know it? How do you find it?

Nancy (09:18)

So, you know, again, in the journal, I take you through a series of prompts that can support you in getting under the hood of yourself to begin to see, you know, where am I holding grudges or where am I holding resentment? Where is something that at one time felt really important that no longer feels important? You know, that can be even letting go of relationships. That can mean letting go of

many different things or doubling down on the importance.

Michelle (09:54)

Well, there’s not a straight line between you and where you can expect. There’s probably starts and stops along the way. How do you get past, like, I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to stay where I am kind of attitude.

Nancy (10:11)

So that actually is a perfect segue into the next piece of the process, which is really examining our beliefs. Because most of us are ruled by old, outdated shadow beliefs. Beliefs that were essentially imprinted on us when we were young, because we were too young to process what was happening in a healthy way. We instead, as children, make everything mean something about us.

So if our parent is in a bad mood, we internalize it as, you know, I did something wrong.

Michelle (10:49)

an instigator. ⁓

Nancy (10:52)

Exactly. Exactly.

Michelle (10:54)

Maybe you have that large of a word vocabulary, something along those lines. It’s my fault. It’s my fault.

Nancy (11:00)

Right. It’s my fault.

These are very common shadow beliefs, know, beliefs that that we get imprinted, that get embedded in us because we are making everything mean something about us. So, you know, from I’m not good enough, I’m not enough, I’m unlovable, I’m unworthy, whatever they might be. You know, we tend to then go through our lives. Our beliefs are very magnetic. So whatever it is we believe about ourselves.

we are going to draw people, relationships, toward us that reinforce what we believe about ourselves.

Michelle (11:37)

So you have to catch yourself in the act of having a belief that doesn’t serve the vision. I get exactly. And do you do that by writing out beliefs or do you go through your day and think, hmm, what do I think about if you’re shopping for a new place to live? What do I think about home or what do I think about money or what do I think about finding a relationship? Do you go through your day thinking?

Nancy (11:43)

Exactly.

Michelle (12:05)

really paying attention to your beliefs or how do you bring beliefs that are underneath to the foreground?

Nancy (12:12)

Chances are that, and we all have many of these beliefs, that they’re really stories we’re telling ourselves. So one of the great prompts I like to use is a story I’m telling myself is, and the truth is, so that we can start to actually see. I’m telling myself a story that I don’t deserve my own house.

Michelle (12:36)

So a story and a belief are similar to one another.

Nancy (12:39)

Yeah, ⁓

Michelle (12:42)

is

longer than the other like a whole dissertation on

Nancy (12:48)

Exactly. And what I’ve really seen over time is that all of our shadow beliefs funnel into the core belief of I’m not worthy either. I’m not worthy of love. I’m not worthy of happiness. I’m not worthy of money. I’m not worthy of freedom. I’m not worthy of nice things, know, whatever it is. There’s some unworthiness that is stuck in there.

Michelle (13:11)

How do you make that a permanent change? Or how do you then become stand up straight and say, you know, I love myself. I’m great. You know, I seize the day. I can do it. You know, how do you make how do you make that a permanent change rather than have that old belief keep creeping in?

Nancy (13:31)

Right, so one of the simplest processes to do is to recognize the belief you’re holding.

Find a place in your life when this belief was proven untrue in any context.

Michelle (13:47)

Okay.

Nancy (13:49)

that begins to show you that the belief is not true. It begins to show you how to shift the belief. Then identify the new empowering belief you’re going to replace the other one with. So if it’s, you know, just for ease, you know, I’m an instigator, the opposite, what would you say is the opposite of an instigator?

Michelle (14:11)

dance

together. I, ⁓ I have space for people to be how they are. I’m not, I’m responsible for how other people are.

Nancy (14:22)

Great, right, so we could say, you know, I am accepting of others as they are.

Yeah, then what is the action you can take to cultivate that new belief inside of you? So what are the practical things you can do? It might be, don’t stop interrupting people when they’re talking. ⁓ It might be, I’m no longer going to try to get people to see my way instead of the way they see things. So we then need to sort of put it in action

so that we’re cultivating the new belief instead of staying attached to the old one.

Michelle (15:06)

You know, I have a saying when I’m speaking to people that are over 55, that to remember you’re over 55, you’re not five. So it takes a good deal of maturity to be able to first of all, come face to face with who you are and how you really are. And then really to be a choice on, you know, how you want to be and take those steps.

Exactly. Should I should I think this is going to take, you know, the next five lifetimes to make that change or ⁓ is it really something I could do in eight weeks?

Nancy (15:41)

you really can make a change in eight weeks. And then as I’ve done and as many of my clients and students have done, you can then put these eight steps to work again for another change.

Michelle (15:57)

⁓ no, more change.

Nancy (16:00)

Well, what’s the saying? The only constant is change?

Michelle (16:03)

That’s a good one. That’s that’s a you know, when you think about it, like I’ve always thought, you know, 55, you’re settled in, you’re settled down. But in fact, you have a whole new body of ⁓ life ahead of you where change is going to be inevitable. Your kids, if you have kids, you’re going to have an empty nest. Or if you have a job, maybe you’re going to retire from it. What’s next from that change is. ⁓

Nancy (16:06)

Yeah.

Michelle (16:33)

head in so many ways. Maybe you have a health issue that you never had before, and it limits you in ways that you never imagined. These are all things to ⁓ actually take ownership, ⁓ embracing and causing change is a way to take ownership of who you are and what you are and how your life is being lived. And instead of having obstacles in the way, which are clutter, you can do something about it. And the art of change, the book you wrote in the eight week

program that you have can help people take those steps, which is something you’re doing on your own. But do you think that you need a network of support to make change?

Nancy (17:13)

I am a big champion for community because on the other side of all of this is really looking at how do I stay committed to myself and my changes and how do I remain accountable to myself. So whether it’s in a coaching group or whether it’s one-on-one coaching or if it’s a community of accountability buddies.

friends who go through the process together, it does help to have support.

Michelle (17:49)

So you’re not inadequate if you’re asking for others to join you in being a cheerleading section. What does support look like? they cheerleaders or do they tell you something or do they share something? What does support look like?

Nancy (18:07)

To me, support looks like a group in commitment to do the work together at the same time.

Michelle (18:15)

So other people who are making change as well as a group to be in. ⁓

Nancy (18:19)

Absolutely. you know, many of the coaches I’ve trained run book clubs, book studies on the art of change to go through it in that kind of a setting.

Michelle (18:31)

good idea. Get the book, get other people who want to make change and work on it together. And then you can share experiences and maybe get ideas from other people about how they’re doing it or what their trials and tribulations are en route to a new you.

Nancy (18:36)

Exactly.

Yeah, and then we just get to hear the bottom line is always going to be that my answers are within me. The answers for me are not coming from outside of me. And so part of this is really about self-trust, learning to trust that I know that I’m the expert on me and I know what’s best and how to get to those answers that might be a little deeper down.

Michelle (19:15)

I got it. So the lesson for the day is to take the steps in the direction you’re headed, one micro step at a time, and to keep going until the old you is in the rear view mirror. Stay curious and be open to learn and grow. Again, I want to thank Nancy Levin, author of The Art of Change and founder of the Levin Life Coach Academy for sharing her pearls of wisdom with us today.

If you have comments and questions, requests or stories of your own, please share them with us. And please don’t hesitate to go to www.decluttering55plus.com and click the podcast tab. On the Let’s Connect page, send a message. Like us on Facebook, follow us on Instagram, subscribe to the YouTube channel, and by all means follow us on the podcast platform you’re listening from today.

Tell your friends to drop in and have a look and a listen because we want to grow this community. Again, thank you for dropping by. Look forward to connecting again next week. Now get out there and get busy, make those changes and have a clutter free day. Thank you.