Podcast Host
and Author
.
Summary This episode of Decluttering 55 Plus with Michelle Passoff features Lacy Robinson, a licensed funeral director and embalmer. They discuss planning your funeral and the evolving nature of funerals and funeral homes. Lacey provides insights on choosing a funeral home, pre-planning, budgeting for a funeral, and the paperwork involved.
Funeral Planning
Michelle Passoff: Welcome to Decluttering 55 Plus with Michelle Passoff. I am Michelle Passoff. This is the place to come for news you can use to get things done in life without anything in the way on the road ahead. We talk about letting go of clutter on this podcast, but we don’t only mean piles of paper on your desk, the clothes jamming your closets, or all that paraphernalia that is stacked up here, there, and everywhere.
Michelle Passoff: Areas of life on the road ahead or clutter, if they’re confounding and confronting you and have stopped you in your tracks, or if you swept things under the carpet to be dealt with another day or never, we consider that clutter, we aim to discuss, inform, clarify, and open space for you to get in action, gain vitality and create a legacy, not a mess.
Michelle Passoff: Let’s be curious about where you’re going to live next, what you’re going to do after retirement, how to get your financial and legal papers in order, and how you want to share your life story with the next generation.
Michelle Passoff: If digital devices make you dizzy and social connections are suffering, let’s address these subjects instead of stuffing them in, uh, in a way like clutter. Let’s get talking. Don’t let today’s topic drive you under the covers. Don’t touch that dial as they say. I promise that after talking with today’s guest about planning your own funeral, you may discover the whole process can be a creative endeavor instead of something to dread.
Michelle Passoff: Thank
you for listening.
Michelle Passoff: Lacey Robinson is a licensed funeral director at Embalmer, and she teaches customer service, hospice relations, and more at the Worsham College of Mortuary Science in Illinois. In her free time, Lacey enjoys giving luxury tours of the final resting place of Kentucky bourbon legends.
Michelle Passoff: Welcome, Lacey.
Lacy: Thank you, Michelle, for having me.
Michelle Passoff: Yeah, I’ve been wanting to ask you this question the minute I heard that you were coming on the show. So here goes. When you’re at a cocktail party and people ask you what you do for a living, what do they say when you tell them you’re a funeral director?
Lacy: Well, I typically lead with a That i’m in education Because my day to day looks very different than someone who’s working in a funeral home full time and from there it does lead to the conversation of What school? And when I say Worsham College of Mortuary Science, people, people’s eyes usually get big because they had no idea that there were schools that people go to, to be a funeral director, and that opens up the conversation quite a bit.
Michelle Passoff: So, uh, they don’t, uh, go on to the next, uh, guest and another cocktail somewhere else.
Lacy: No, they want to typically stay with me. And if it is a true cocktail pot party, then I definitely mentioned there’s luxury. Tours that I’m giving bourbon enthusiasts. Uh, so conversations with me at any type of party are going to be pretty entertaining I try to be the life of the party and you know, I want people to know that Um funeral directors are fun people in funeral service.
Lacy: They do like to have a great time They value everyday life because they know That life can be over in a second And life is short.
Michelle Passoff: That’s a good point. Um, yeah, it is interesting. Like house. How did, how did you decide to be a funeral director?
Lacy: Well, if you ask my mom and dad, they will tell you that it started when I was very, very young at the age of five, when I climbed up into great uncle Harvey’s casket at the funeral home.
Lacy: And my mom knew at That very moment that things were going to be different with me and Fascination she knew that yes, and uh, I I was always very curious every project every research paper that I did in high school was Related to funeral service or death and it wasn’t until the summer before my senior year of high school that I decided to um You know, make this dream a reality and ask for a summer job at the local funeral home.
Lacy: And that’s when it all started. And that was in 1996.
Michelle Passoff: So you’ve been at funeral directing for some time now. So you have some time. You have a lot to, uh, we have a lot to learn from you then. Um, is a visit with the local funeral director the first step in planning a funeral, or is there more than one funeral?
Michelle Passoff: And if there’s more than one funeral, uh, home in your town or city, how do you choose one?
Lacy: I recommend to people that their first step is to reflect upon all the funerals. And memorial services and tribute events that they have attended and reflect upon those moments. What did they like about it? What didn’t they like about it?
Lacy: And think about specifically the ones that have taken place in the town where they want to be taken care of after they’re gone. And use that information and those experiences to narrow down those choices. There may be one or two funeral homes that are, that are standout. That are a little bit more exceptional than other ones, perhaps.
Lacy: And that’s the first step. And the second step is to call those funeral homes that you’re considering and ask for an in person appointment to meet the funeral directors, to meet the pre planning, excuse me, pre planning specialist, and to see their facilities and have those questions ready and be prepared to ask about, um, Uh, their general price list and having that information in, in their hands to make an informed decision.
Michelle Passoff: What percentage of people, um, go to the funeral home in advance versus at the moment of somebody’s death?
Lacy: No, the statistics from the National Funeral Directors Association would be, Uh a little bit surprising and looking at years pre covid and then as covid reared its head Those numbers went up people were curious people were getting organized as you know in putting plans in place and uh, you know, i’d be pleased to share that information and email it to you after the podcast, but It is interesting to see that people Did Have an increased interest in pre planning and talking to loved ones about their end of life wishes.
Lacy: And it’s been a gradual increase. And of course the death positive movement has grown tremendously in the last 10 years. And that has contributed positively to, uh, to funeral homes and families, um, having these important conversations.
Michelle Passoff: What is the death positive movement
Lacy: that death positive movement is having conversations with friends with family members about where to be buried, which funeral home to choose.
Lacy: How do they feel about life and death in general, but having. You know, semi deep conversations, maybe that have never taken place before it may also be attending a death cafe meeting that has no sort of agenda, but just to have open conversation with other individuals who are curious. It may be attending a before you die festival and learning about those funeral choices and, uh, you know, confronting the inevitable.
Michelle Passoff: So, um, what, what kind of budget do you need for a funeral? Do you need, um, to really have a savings account just to have your funeral or are there advantages budget wise and pre planning? Can you tell us something about, uh, the costs?
Lacy: So according to the National Funeral Directors Association, the average cost of a funeral and burial, including the outer burial container, I want to make sure people know that, is 9, 420.
Lacy: The average cost of a funeral and cremation is about 6, 971. And the National Funeral Directors Association also shares the Uh, prices of itemized goods and services, which is really helpful knowing what that price conversation is going to sound like and what an individual can expect in regards to funeral cost.
Lacy: So people can save money when pre planning in advance. Uh, those are the questions to ask on, uh, to the funeral director. How can I save money right now? With that and of course, uh, they will want to read the fine print and pre planning pre funding options Do vary from funeral home to funeral home and knowing those options can certainly impact a person’s decision on which funeral home They ultimately want to choose
Michelle Passoff: And what is in that fine print that we should look for?
Lacy: In that fine print, it is understanding, uh, exactly, uh, how their money is safe and how it’s going to be guaranteed for the future. Uh, you may have an individual who, uh, may die a week from making those pre plans or they may die 10 years from now. And that’s the fine print that they really want to have a good handle, good understanding on.
Michelle Passoff: So pre planning, um, Contract will, uh, end up costing you a whole lot less than walking in on the day, somebody dies to make arrangements.
Lacy: Uh, there’s always that possibility, uh, but it’s all about what the, uh, you know, how they prefunded that in advance, because there are different ways to do that. And of course, what they decided to choose in that moment.
Lacy: And it could be a situation where. Uh, a family, uh, certainly respects what their loved ones selected at the time of preplanning, but maybe they want to do, uh, an extra memorial. They want to do something extra special, uh, and that would come into play with the conversations. And, uh, you know, you never really know what your loved ones are going to say in that moment and how they want to remember your life until it comes.
Michelle Passoff: Um, there’s like a myriad of all different kinds of decisions that you have to make, like, um, you know, what are you going to wear? What are you going to show pictures? Are you going to have, um, invitations? What are, what’s on that checklist that you should consider?
Lacy: First, you want to think about the wide range of end of life tributes that are available to consider.
Lacy: Do you want to have a traditional funeral where the body is present, that can be held at a funeral home, at a church, or even at the person’s home, or it could be a different location or venue as well. Thank you for your time. Or they may want to consider a memorial, uh, where, uh, the body is not present instead.
Lacy: The urn may be the focal point, which is typically the most common focal point for a memorial service. And Interested in a visitation and happy people come together for, uh, the opportunity to share stories, to mix and mingle, and obviously share support with loved ones. And, uh, the big question is disposition.
Lacy: Are they thinking burial or cremation? And of course, as you know, uh, in the book, there are, uh, other forms of disposition that are out there that people may want to consider that aren’t quite, uh, Uh, you know, considered common.
Michelle Passoff: How have funerals? You’re mentioning some alternate, uh, ways in which you can be put to rest either in a casket or cremation.
Michelle Passoff: Those are ways that we know of. But how have, um, funerals and funeral homes evolved over the years to be more contemporary?
Lacy: They have evolved tremendously. So what used typically was a church funeral with burial at a cemetery, now they’re offering cremation and they are getting very creative on what that looks like, the service, the tribute before or after cremation takes place.
Lacy: Funerals are also looking to bring in more environmentally friendly end of life choices for Uh, for family members who want to reduce their carbon footprint, uh, in death. Uh, so that is always, uh, an option as well. And thinking about, uh, traditional cremation, which is flame based cremation, there are also, uh, funeral homes that Um, offer a different type of, uh, cremation, which is known as alkaline hydrolysis, and that is available in a few states now.
Lacy: Um, so that uses alkaline chemicals, heat, agitation, and pressure to achieve natural decomposition in three to 16 hours. And the cremation association of North America, cana. org is a great resource to learn more about flame based cremation and alkaline. Hydrolysis. And also you may have heard of the company Recompost and that is a very natural way of accelerating the decomposition process as well.
Lacy: And that is certainly making headlines and people are talking about that.
Michelle Passoff: So there’s a lot to think of. What about paperwork that you need when you come to a funeral director? Do you provide paperwork in advance? Do they have this on file for you? Or when you’re planning a funeral after somebody has passed, what kind of paperwork do you need to have on hand to, um, um, Take care of the arrangements.
Lacy: So the paperwork is very, very important. It is important to, uh, have a permanent record of a person’s death and to obviously notify the government. So the certified death certificate, which a funeral director can assist with is an important Very important document and also notifying social security.
Lacy: There’s a special form for that as well. And if there is a veteran, there are three main forms to be used for veterans, but those are probably the top five pieces of paperwork that is involved. Um, but, uh, paperwork as with, you know, getting married is extremely important.
Michelle Passoff: Okay, well, what about an obituary?
Michelle Passoff: Do you, um, wait until, when does that get written and who writes it?
Lacy: Um, the obituary can be written at any time. If someone is thinking about preplanning well in advance of their death. Go ahead and write that obituary and flatter yourself
Make
Lacy: sure your story is told the way you want it to be told and if you have Certain messages that you want to convey, you know this is the time to make that happen and put it in your own words and you may Michelle recalls some obituaries that go viral and that’s not the intent with every creative, creatively written obituary that is out there.
Lacy: Uh, that’s not the goal for many, many people, but they simply want to send heartfelt messages and share their story accurately and you know, what those milestones have been in their life and people who have impacted them. Um, so that’s one way to do it. write it completely in advance or simply have, you know, key points in an outline that when the time comes, your family and the funeral director, they have guidelines to write that obituary completely.
Michelle Passoff: Oh, that’s good. Um, as local papers fade though, where are they put, where are obituaries published and where do they go viral? If they go viral and what does it look, what is a viral obituary look like?
Lacy: Viral obituaries typically have really funny stories about the loved one. Um, they sometimes viral obituaries have a political message in them.
Lacy: Um, but they’re typically, uh, I would say it’s the funny stories about the person’s life and quirks about that individual and, you know, how they lived their life, which was maybe in a. A very profound or rogue way, um, so it just depends on how it’s written. And when it does go viral, um, I would say that it gets picked up on social media, and it typically just spreads from there.
Lacy: And then maybe the New York Post will pick it up, and then it’s just everywhere. Or it could be a local news channel that picks it up. And it just goes nationwide at that point and then worldwide. Uh, so if
Michelle Passoff: you’re not a star while you’re alive, you might be a star when you pass away, who knows? Absolutely.
Michelle Passoff: Anything is possible. So tell me one way, we only have, uh, another minute or so left before we have to close the show, but I want to like to hear a little bit about, um, digital legacy plan. I understand you’re a specialist in this area and I’d love to know what that is.
Lacy: So digital legacy planning is organizing all of the online accounts, usernames and passwords, as well as digital equipment, so that after a person is deceased, there is somebody in charge to close those accounts.
Lacy: And to take care of all of the, uh, digital pictures, videos, documents, and again, these digital equipment as well, because one’s digital legacy, uh, can certainly be put at risk for identity theft if those accounts are not properly handled.
Michelle Passoff: Okay. Well, there’s a lot to take care of, uh, at the time of death.
Michelle Passoff: There’s a lot you could take care of before. So, uh, it may not be like hip, hip, hooray, let’s go plan the funeral, but it is something that can make a difference. So in closing, Let’s just thank you for coming, Lacey, and for sharing your knowledge. Is there a website that somebody can go to, to, um, kind of bullet point all the steps that you have to take?
Michelle Passoff: Let me just ask you that.
Lacy: Uh, remembering a life. com is a great website that is. Produced by the National Funeral Directors Association, which has outstanding membership worldwide and provide professional development to funeral service professionals who want to stay on top of trends and meeting the needs of today’s modern family.
Lacy: But their public website to help individuals make those very important end of life choices is a great resource.
Michelle Passoff: And say the name of it again?
Lacy: Remembering a life.com.
Michelle Passoff: Remembering a life.com. Okay, well, uh, thank you for shining some light in the area of our lives that is easy to keep in the dark. Taking the blinders off and preparing for the inevitable can be emotionally and financially beneficial and a real opportunity to creatively express ourselves to the very end.
Michelle Passoff: So thank you for being here. Thank you, Michelle. For our listeners out there, please visit our website, www. decluttering55plus. com. Click on the let’s connect button and send us your thoughts, your feelings, your questions, and suggestions, because this is a two way conversation and we want to hear from you.
Michelle Passoff: Tell us your experiences so we can share what matters with others. Like us on Facebook, follow us on Instagram, subscribe to us on YouTube and click on the podcast platform you’re listening from today so we can know you’re out there. Let’s build this community together. And again, thank you Lacey for being here.
Michelle Passoff: Until next time, have a clutter free day.